Found something

I miss you
I miss my honey, a guy that have been with for long time. we broke up during valentine's day. i miss him as in our happy moment, not any sad moment. i promised myself i wouldnt drop a tear for him again. again, i found his photo inside my computer. i thought i deleted all of them. but actually there is a hidden back-up folder that i had forgetten. i cried so badly today. really very badly. i cried almost 3 hours.there is a suddenly flash back about me and him. the moment that we had go throught and the things that had happened. 

couple ring with my name on it

I always think that

If i never knew him, what would my life will be now? 

If we didnt broke up, what are we doing now?

If i didnt made the decision, i will find back myself?

If we met again, should i say hi or just pretend nothing and walk away?

If i can never met him again, what will i do or what can i do? 

If he has new girlfriend, will i really bless him with my heart?
IF ya just an IF. things happen. so what IF?. 

when i cried so badly. my bestfriend Mega called me and i answered her with sobbing voice pretend nothing happened. she kept on asking me what had happened. i reject to answer her and ask her to stop asking. im wrong sorry baby. after i reliefed everything in my heart to you. i felt so much comfortable. you understand me so well, helping me so much, encougraging me so much,

Mega

It was 12 o'clock something , your phone was out of credit and same as mine too . You used all your way to find someone reload for you , just to talk to me and make sure i am alright . I knew you did cry , you heart pain me why i still cry for him , you dislike me hiding all my feelings to myself , you don't dare to scold me because you knew i don't like it . I can see that you truly love me , and the way you treat me made me felt that i have the best boyfriend in the world .

Although we have been together not so long , but we had already planned our future . Planning families , honeymoon , weeding date , children and so on silly things . Maybe that's fact , you and me have been classmate for so long , but only become couples after i left . We knew this relationship is not easy to walk through , but we grab our hand and walk together .

Every morning , either you or me will wake up each other . Every night 12 o'clock , you and me will pass together on phone counting down days that we have gone through and days that i gonna come back . Maybe you ain't the most handsome , broad-shoulder, smartest , and rich boyfriend that every girls used to dream of . But for me , you are the best boyfriend that taught me  TRUST and TRUTH in our relationship .

The way you treat me , the way you talk to me , the way you understanding me had made me felt what love really is . Maybe other people will think that I am only 16 and you are only 20 , it is too fast to talk about our future . Please shut up and i don't need you to care my stuff .

You told me , as for a couple , we shouldn't just share the happiness together but sadness as well . What is a boyfriend for ? A guy that you share your everything with him , a guy that cheer you up , a guy that love you , a guy that listen to what you say and a guy who understand you the most . That's so true . If i don't have the past relationship , i wouldn't know that love is that powerful , i wouldn't know that love is that joyful , i wouldn't know that love can be that free , i wouldn't know that who myself , Sovia really is .

A lot of people think that , it's just love . A relationship that had passed and will never come back again . I called it off , i made my decision not to look back . I promised myself i won't tear for you again , i promised 

i will slowly put down , i promised my parents i won't go back again

Heartbroken

Hi lately I'm just broke up with my lovely honey who I love the most. I never fall in to deep love like this untill go mad already. I've made a big wound inside his heart, but I just can say sorry sorry and sorry, nothingI can do, I'm  a useless girlfriend. :(

I still remember the last word he said to me. and the last time I can stand to hear him.

here comes...

I'm sorry to say we are impossible being together anymore, I'm sorry I'm not the guy who you need, I'm just currently a replacement for your happiness, before we step too deep into love, why don't we just end it as soon as possible?

. Instead of having a bigger cut that will create a wound in out heart, it seems that our promises are going to fade slowly, our dream, our kisses, our huggies, time being together, our plans, celebrate new year in Italy, early marriage, our honeymoon, kissing under Eiffel Tower, our familly, having twin babies, and lastly, our love to each other.

everyday we waste time together, I still remember he cancel his badminton competition just for accompany me whole day. We just talking about our future. our dreams like I typed at top.but now everythings going fade slowly.

he said, I feel very empty now darling, not it doesn't matter important you've made me a promise that you always happy, healthy and alive. it will be over soon, our love will be dimmend, and buried under sands leaving us a part of memories, a part that which cost us lovely spirit about love, a part that can make us grow stronger, a part that can help us to understand more about life.

afterall I'm not a good boyfriend please understand darling, I don't wish you to blame yourself anymore, I promise you not to leave you even when you are old.  i guess im just saying. I'm not able to bring you as far away from your family, i'm not able to create a happy family with you, i'm not able to be with you on your weakest spot, i'm not able to kiss you anymore and tell you how much i love you.

why every time I go ego, go moody, and fierce at him, he forgive me with every little simple word he've said, is because he don't want to see me sad. i melt when he treat me so well, he can't do anything when i cry badly. I miss his kiss, hug, voice and everything about him. honey i miss when you manja at me, sayang sayang me, honey i really miss you badly really badly T_T

you've said i just wish the only one is Sovia in my heart, it's really touched honey

you wish i can let you go peacefully, and you thought everythings will be fine. but untill now i can't let you go honey. my heart still so pain.

Ordinary Day

uniform

Every morning I woke up at 4.30 am, telling myself just to sleep more 1 minute, end up slept for 20 minutes. I battle with my time took a bath for 15 minutes and dress up and do pray subuh.

the 1st thing I will do when arrived school is just staring my class, silent keep, sometimes I clean up my classroom. every morning I am the 1st one who come early

my classroom, so messy

at school, facing the same view, same bench, some canteen food and some faces.

even me carry my bag. same spot for lunch.

my school

I started to find my life boring. how I hope some strange thing can happen so it makes my life more interesting. I felt myself bring left behind at chemistry and physic because Idon't have form basic. computer science, english and biology I score hight distinction while chemistry and physic get satisfactory. sigh, luckly last semester I got nice mark on chemistry. what's wrong? LOL

This is me

This is me. I'm not pretty but this is Sovia real with it . Let's talk about my face 1st

wow my eye looks like panda's eye ,so black due to i got insomnia untill now. I have a quite perfect double eye lid. actually not big as at the picture. my eye rather small LOL

I have really big teeth, when I was child I have really small teeth. Now come it comes biger that before? sigh

A big and round nose. Although it is not that big, but compare to my face proportional it is quite big. And growing bigger and bigger when I craying badly

thick eyebrow don't know from who. it grows super fast all my hair grow like insane, include leg hair.

eye bag it go worst accompanied by dark eye circle whenever I slept late. same as panda's eye.

big ass forehead that I have, covered by fringe as usual saparate hair style. my friends will say "JENONG" I hate so much. and you can see my forehead full with pimples

overall that's me I can't hate what god give me because that's me. i with a silly personalities. no sense of directions. fatty waist, chubby cheek, small lips, brownish skin. I learnt to love myself

Silent keeps it easy

Sunddenly things turn out very black, brigth light around me seems very dim, rainbows with level of colours turned out to be black, dreams and whises end up a pile of sand.

If live is really a game, i wonder where is the restart button? I never too deep to worry never too careful to feel the pain just enough to feel okay. What is it that you love about me? what makes me glow in your eyes? if you could tell me, maybe i could love that too, im just a piece of rubbish garbage. I couldn't be bothered holding on. every breath i took, is easy as an ABC, it was just another ordinary breath but it hurt so much more than that. Sometimes my arms tingle for me to cut them and sometimes i cut when i'm not even sad. Most of the time I'm just numb.I can't believe everything that I've expected at the way in my life. but it always happen. I'm just a black star, a star that never shines under the moon, but during the sunrise it only shines in me, by the time it shines on me is actually in the morning and nothing any no one seems to see me visible, I don't believe in luck anymore

how ugly i'm :(

I've cried silenly showing to no one, fake smiles are created happiness seems numb, sadness sees alive all the time. I'm tired to hold on my life. i wish  someone could just lift me up all the time, holding me from my back and telling me not to give up.Honey can't you?. Please help me heal these wounds. They've been open for too long.Bandaid won't heal me now